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l

A man with an Ak47 rifle ran into a Church and pointed the gun at the congregation saying "who is a child of God here, let me send him to heaven"? The congregation kept silent he then fired a shot in the roof. The congregation shouted "its the pastor! He always says that he is a child of God". Pastor replied; What kind of conspiracy is this? Everyone here knows that I am the son of Chukwudi and the grandson of Okeke,so what is my business with God,'abeg if na play make una stop ham ooo!!!. Have a wondaful day.

URINE

A guy was angry becos pple urinated in front of his store....so he put a public notice(i.e,dnt urinate here by other)but pple still urinated d more...he put another sign post n wrote dsame tin,bt dey still urinated there.....so he decided to make a new1 with inscription written:HUMAN URINE NEEDED HERE..........SIGNED=HERBALIST...from dat day no1 dared 2 urinate there

LIAR

A man was having sex with his
boss wife at her house when
suddenly thieves broke in. The man went out of the house
running as fast as he could
to his house. when he arrived home, his wife

asked, "why are you naked??"..... The man replied,
"well, i was attacked by
thieves
on my way home, they
took
everything from me".... wife,"so why is a condom
on your penis??".... Man, "well, as a grown up man,
i couldnt run home completely
naked.
i had to
cover some parts.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

*When NIGERIANS steal money,dey
keep it in SWISS BANKS;wen dey're
sick-INDIA or GERMANY;
When Dey wat 2 invest..AMERICA ;
When Dey want 2 buy mansions-LONDON /CANADA.

Dey go 2 DUBAI 4 shopping,
PARIS 4 holidays.
When dey want to repent-ISREAL
OR SAUDI ARABIA. Wen dey talk,u hear i've movd around d whole world,do u knw whom u 're dealin wit?But wen dey DIE. Dey all wat 2 be BURIED in NIGERIA.
I beg, help me ask them: IS NIGERIA A CEMETERY

HUSBAND AND WIFE

Husband nd wife agreed dat anytym dat dey want 2 have sex dey wil cal it fone call. One day d husband cal his son junior go nd tel ur mum dat i want 2 make fone cal? Junior: mum, dad said he want 2 make a fone cal. Mum: tel ur dad dat dere is no network. Junior: dad, Mum said dat dere is no network. Dad: tel ur mum dat if dere is no network at home den i wil go 2 a pay fone. Junior: mum, dad said dat if dere is no network at home den he wil go 2 a pay fone. Mum: wat! Tel ur dad dat if he goes 2 a pay fone 2 a cal den i wil open a fone boot in font of our house

a guy waz enjoying d sun at a beach.A lady
came nd asked him:are u relaxing? d guy
answered:'no i am mike' another guy came
nd asked d same question,'young man! are u
relaxing?'he replied again,"NO! I am mike".

Shortly,afta another man came nd asked him
d same question.This time d guy waz totally
annoyed nd decides 2 shift his place.while he
walked away he saw a guy enjoying in d sun,
he went up 2 him nd asked, are u relaxing?
This guy was more educated nd
answered,"yes i am relaxing."mike slapped
him in his face nd said,"stupid idiot.everyone
is looking 4 u nd u are sitting here!

A gal was chating with a stranger on fb...this was dia conversation....
stranger:hey pretty can i hv ur mail id?
"
"
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gal:this is it>ihaveaboyfriendnilovehimalot@getlost.com
"
"
"
"
"
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stranger:this is mine>iamyourfatheryouaredead@meetmenw.com

BUNCH OF MAD MEN

a plane was transporting a bunch of mad men accross d country..n d man men were making so much noiz..which made the pilot angry..until one of the madmen came to him..n said....
madman:teach me how to fly a plane...
pilot:i will teach u jst on 1 condition...
madman:whats dat...
pilot:Get ur friends to keep quiet....

madman: ok(he goes and comes back under 10mins,every bcame quiet)...
pilot:wow! ur friends r quiet now,how did u do it?...
madman:i jst opened the door and askd dem 2 go and play outside

BB

A gal was chating with a stranger on fb...this was dia conversation....
stranger:hey pretty can i hv ur mail id?
"
"
"

"
"
gal:this is it>ihaveaboyfriendnilovehimalot@getlost.com
"
"
"
"
"
"
stranger:this is mine>iamyourfatheryouaredead@meetmenw.com

a scenario at the beach

a guy waz enjoying d sun at a beach.A lady
came nd asked him:are u relaxing? d guy
answered:'no i am mike' another guy came
nd asked d same question,'young man! are u
relaxing?'he replied again,"NO! I am mike".

Shortly,afta another man came nd asked him
d same question.This time d guy waz totally
annoyed nd decides 2 shift his place.while he
walked away he saw a guy enjoying in d sun,
he went up 2 him nd asked, are u relaxing?
This guy was more educated nd
answered,"yes i am relaxing."mike slapped
him in his face nd said,"stupid idiot.everyone
is looking 4 u nd u are sitting here!

a naked lady

A naked lady ran into an Igbo man’s taxi. She told the driver where she was going. The lgbo man didn’t start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again. The lady saw him and said: what’s ur problem man?? Haven’t u seen a naked lady before ??? Igbo man replied: l am not looking at ur nakedness, I was just wondering where U kept the money u are going to pay me

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how manywould be left?"
"None," replied Johnny,"cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher,"but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you.If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, thesecond was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny,"the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the wayyou're thinking."

Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for
all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an
apologise to Ram for all the problems he had caused.
So he went to Ram’s house and knocked on the door. Ram
opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan

standing there. Ravan just kept staring and thinking
but didn’t say a word. What was he thinking?
Ans: “Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?”

A man went to his pastor,
knelt
down and began confessing
tearfully,"past or. I have
sinned"

Pastor: my son, what didyou do?
Man: (sobbing), pastor i
committed adultery with
several
church members
Pastor: can you mention their names and how many times
you
slept with each of them?for
your forgiveness to be
complete, you gotta mention
them Man: aaah pastor i can't, i am
ased
Pastor: okay, this is what we
will do, after the servicewe wil
go to the church entrance and
when members are goingout, once any1 you've slept with
comes out just say 'pau'if its
once. The number of times you
say it will indicate the number
of times you slept with the
person. (and so they went)
>>head usher passes>>
Man: pau, pau
Pastor: The Lord forgiveyou
>>deacon's wife passes>>
Man: pau Pastor: may the Lord forgive
you
>>choir member passes
singing>>
Man: pau pau pau Pastor: God
will forgive you, yes He wil
>>finally behold pastor'swife
passes>>
Man: (like a machine gun)pau
pau pau pau pau pau pau pau
pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau
pau pau pau pau pau pau pau
pau pau pau pau pau pau pau
pau pau pau pau pau pau pau
pau pau pau pau pau pau pau
pau pau pau pau pau pau pau.... Pastor: yeeeeee....oooo
ooooooooooo!!! May God punish
your father, God will never
forgiveyou.

word of advise

Carefully read through each of the following...

-Warn your girl child never to sit on anyone's laps no matter the situation including uncles.

-Avoid getting dressed in front of yourchild once he/she is 2years old. Learn to excuse yourself.

-If you have to hire a house-help please kindly take them for HIV screening to determine their HIV status,

properly interview them and make up your mind to treat them well.

-Never allow any adult refer to your new born as 'my wife' or 'my husband'

-Never tempt your husband with youryounger sister. (Else he'd say its hers and the devil's fault)

-Avoid unnecessary familiarity and make sure you

take care of your husband by yourselflest you lead him into temptation.

-Whenever your child goes out to playwith

friends make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of play they played together because young people now sexually abuse themselves.

-Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes too fond of a particular adult.

-Once a very lively child suddenly becomes

withdrawn you might need to patiently ask a lot of questions from your child.

-If you don't teach your children about sex, the society will teach them the wrong values.

-It is always advisable you go throughany new material like cartoons you just bought for them before they startseeing it themselves.

-Teach your 3year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas and that includes you.(remember, charity begins at home and with you)

-Blacklist some materials you think could threaten the sanity of your child(that includes music, movies and musicians) and let them understand the value of standing out of the crowd.

-Once your child complains about a particular person,don't keep quiet about it. Take up the case and show them you can defend them always!

Now If after reading through this and you think its useful enough. Let teach our childrens wat dey nid 2 knw.

question and answer

Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for
all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an
apologise to Ram for all the problems he had caused.
So he went to Ram’s house and knocked on the door. Ram
opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan

standing there. Ravan just kept staring and thinking
but didn’t say a word. What was he thinking?
Ans: “Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?”