A GOOD SWIMMER

A very rich man who own a huge
house has a very beautiful & sexy
daughter. He is interested in
alligators and has a big swimming
pool filled with different and exotic

specimen of d species. One day,he
decided to throw a party and
invited hundreds of people. After
everyone has had a few drinks,he
announced that anyone who can
jump into d pool and make it on
both side alive would have either
two million naira or his sexy
daughter. No one was willing to try
this until suddenly there was a
splash,and he turned to see a guy
in d swimming pool swimming as
fast as he can to d other
side,Everyone cheers him as d
alligators try to tear him apart.
Amazingly,he makes it to d other
side,some what ruffled but
unharmed. The rich man says 'I say
that was Amazing! So what is it to
be,d two million naira or my
daughters hand? The hero replies
"Look sir,i don't want your money
or your daughter, i just want that
Bastard that pushed me in

AN ANGEL

A boy went 2 his mother &said,mother do u knw dat our house girl is an angel,& mother ask him y did u say so?& d boy said i went in 2 her rum nd find her naked holding d wal nd was SHOUTING''O GOD AM COMING'' if not 4 dady dat was holding her 4rm d bak she would av been in heaven by now and d mother FAINTED

A SCENARIO IN CLASS

A teacher asked her class !!!what they want to be when they grow up. Theo: I want to be a billionaire, have the cutest wife, make love to her 3 times a day, fly her in my private jet to Milan for shopping, take her on monthly trips to diff places around the world. The teacher ignores Theo for his bad behavior and asks Ada what she wants to be in̶̲̥̅̊ future. Ada quietly whispered: I want to be Theo's wife!

STUPID PASTOR

1 day a girl went 2 see her pastor 4 counseling nd d pastor asked wat hapend 2 her.she replied dat her boyfrnd did smthng vry bad 2 her. The pastor asked her:what did ur boyfrnd do 2 u,did he beat u,the girl replied "NO" The paster hugged her,"Did he do dis 2 u" She said no nd the pastor kissed her "Did he do dis 2 u"She said no nd the paster lahd her down nd made luv 2 her."Did he do dis 2 u"he asked her as he finished ejaculating She said no,nd den added:My boyfrnd gave me HIV-AIDS."The pastor immediately fainted.

WOW

~ It took time b4 d fish died...
Ans: "EJA CU LATE"
~ I put JERRY in a CAN...
Ans: "JERRYCAN"
~ Tunde's dad shaves Shola's pubic hair...

... Ans: "BABA-TUNDE FA-SHOLA..."
~ ABU ran Away ..
Ans: "ABUJA"
~ It'll be long before Dan will come...
Ans: "Dangote"
~ The rainbow has a mother ....
Ans: "iyarainbow""
~ The only native I can wear to the alter is:
Ans: "alternative "
~ You're just too thin..
Ans: you should be called
"Justin".
~ I beat Lisa...
Ans: "Mo na Lisa"
~ When Obertan missed the goal,
Ferguson shouted,
"O ber Tan"
~ I pack rumors call me
Ans: "Pakurumo ?"
~ I counted my foam
Ans: "Mouka Foam"
~ Funmi dribbles Sean......
Ans: "I call it Fumigation"
~ My Hoe Don Land.
Ans: "Call it Holland"
~My ex can sieve any clue...
Ans: "Exclusive"
~ My aunt eloped wit her boyfriend,
Ans: call her antelope
~ My dad showed me my lost key...
Ans: "Daddy Showkey"

WORD OF ADVISE

Some girls must realize that life is not all about long hair, colorful bags, shoes and blackberry bold 5. Take ur time, work for ur cash. Ur pussy is not Accra Mall room for anyone to be entering and exiting.

4 FRIENDS

4 friends are having dinner at a resturant. One
of them goes to toilet. The other 3 talk about
how succesful their sons are:
The 1st says: "My son is pilot.He became so
succeful nd rich tht he gave his friend a jet."

The 2nd says: "My son is an engineer.He became so succeful and rich tht he gave his friend a
ferrari."
The 3rd said: "My son is a bussines enterpreneur.
He is so rich and succesful tht he bought his
friend a house."
So the 4th one comes and they fil him in on what they are discussing. Then he says: "My son is Gay
and he works at a strip club."
The other 3 then say: He must be rilly strugling
with his job.Arent u ashamed?"
Then he says with a laugh: "My son had a
birthday bash last week at the club. He recieved a jet,ferrari and a house as a birthday present
from his boyfriends."

SHE IS CRAZY

Four girls took lift in a car full of Engineers.
(Engr. Kpoli, Engr. Kpekus, Engr. Ambaliand
Engr. Akpors)
Since no place available, they sat on each
boys' lap...

After 5 minutes...
Girl1: Are you an Electronics & Communication
Engineer?
Engr. Kpoli: How do you know..?
Girl1: Your tower is communicating with my
unreachable area.
Girl2: Are you an IT Engineer?
Engr. Kpekus: How do you know?
Girl2: Your pendrive is trying to connect with
my USB Drive.
Girl3: Are you a Mechanical Engineer?
Engr. Ambali: How do you know..?
Girl3: Ur piston is trying to move into my
cylinder.
Girl4: Are you a Civil Engineer?
Engr. Akpors: How do you know?
Girl4: Ur dam has broken and flooded my village.=D =))

INBOX VS INBOX

A LADY'S INBOX VS A GUY'S INBOX

LADY'S INBOX
(1)i luv u dear(benedict).
(2)can i take you out 2nit?(chukwuka).

(3)i always feel bad wen i see u with another guy(cyril).
(4)sweetie don't 4get d trip(daniel).
(5)darling av u seen d credit i sent u(fran6).
(6)honey,i wil do whateva it takes just 4 u 2 b by my side(odira).
(7)consider your requst don(abiya).
(8)baby check ur alc bal and call me back(ikenna).

GUY'S INBOX
(1)ur data bundle will son expire(mtn).
(2)pls send me credit(jacinta).
(3)hey dude,give me a break,i told u am married(chibugo).
(4)don't dare call me again(freda).
(5)am warning u,let dis month not be a story telling event lik d last 3 months(landlord).
(6)i av not seen my period for 3 weeks(neighbours daughter).
(7)ikenna am still expecting the money 4 d jamb form(nkiru).

PSALM 23

>PSALM 23! pidgin version BY
fran6 ..
1. The Lord na my shepherd, I
dey kampe. 2. E make me sidon
for where better dey flow and

come put me next to stream
make my body thermocool. 3. E
panel beat my soul come spray
am white, come dey lead me dey
go through express road of
righteousness because of Hin
name. 4. Walaii! If I waka pass
where arm robber, 419 and juju
people boku, come even join
boko haram reach valley of the
shadow of death sef, liver no go
fail me. Your rod and staff nko?
Na so dem dey like backbone dey
comfort me. 5. You don arrange
good food on top table make I
chop. See bad belle people dey
look waa waa. You rub me for
head with vaseline intensive
lotion. My cup come be like River
Niger dey troway dey go. 6. True
true, better life and mercy go dey
follow me till I quench. And I go
tanda for God house... lai lai I no
go comot for wia better dey. God
Almighty, Na you biko! AMEN

IS SHE RIGHT?

A guy took a gal on a date nd d girl requested expensive champagns lyk lobster,oyster, nd d costliest food on d menu nd d guy ask her is dis how u eat ur mom's food d gal replies no cos she dosnt plans 2 sleep wit me after given me food

AKPORS DAUGHTER

Edum {Akpors daughter} askd her
dad.
Edum: dad there's somethin my bf
said to me dt I don't undastand
Akpors: what waz dt?

Edum: he said dt I hv a beautiful chassis, two luvly airbags & a
fantastic bumper Akpors: {angry} u tell dt bf of urz dt
if he dare opens ur bonnet & pulls
awt his dipstick to check d oil, I'll
giv him such a service dt his
engine wil knock & his exhaust will fall off

ELDERLY MEN

Two elderly men, ogor & marvel were sitting
under tree.
Ogor turms to marvel and said: "Mate,im 83
years now,my body is aching and its full of pain.
I no we are the same age,so how do u feel?"
marvel replied: "I just feel like a new born baby." "New born baby?" asked ogor. Marvel replied: "Yea.No hair, no teeth, and I
think I just wet my pants."

AKPORS

Akpors was coming back from
school, singing and dancing, the
father asked him and said my
son dis one dat u are happy,
singing and dancing, I have not

seen u in dis mood for a while
now, he replied, papa, u will not
be buying new textbooks,
notebooks and all the writing
materials, the father
shouted,thats my son, but wait
oo, did u win scholarship or
something?D'Boy said noo, I AM
REPEATING THE SAME CLASS
AGAIN!

FAMILY FULL OF LIES

A Nigerian man on hisway frm Germany bought a lie dectetor machine.The machine is designed 2 dish out a slap immediately 2 any 1 dat telsl a lie. Whn d man got home,he decided 2 test d machine,1st he called his son,junior who is a perpetual liar nd asked "junior whr wr u during school hours 2day JUNIOR REPLIES: "dady i was in class(machine slaps junior) "sory dady,i went 2 cinema FATHER:wat kind of film did u watch? JUNIOR: "Documentary."(machine slaps junior)"sory dady,i watched blue film FATHER:when i ws ur age i neva watched blue films"(machine slaps dad) At dat stage,d man's wife nd mother of junior who ws watching intervened MUM:"u see,like father lik son.y wouldn't junior watch blue films whn he is ur son? "(machine slaps mum)

ASHAWO

Four girls took lift in a car full of Engineers.
(Engr. Kpoli, Engr. Kpekus, Engr. Ambaliand
Engr. Akpors)
Since no place available, they sat on each
boys' lap...

After 5 minutes...
Girl1: Are you an Electronics & Communication
Engineer?
Engr. Kpoli: How do you know..?
Girl1: Your tower is communicating with my
unreachable area.
Girl2: Are you an IT Engineer?
Engr. Kpekus: How do you know?
Girl2: Your pendrive is trying to connect with
my USB Drive.
Girl3: Are you a Mechanical Engineer?
Engr. Ambali: How do you know..?
Girl3: Ur piston is trying to move into my
cylinder.
Girl4: Are you a Civil Engineer?
Engr. Akpors: How do you know?
Girl4: Ur dam has broken and flooded my village.=D =))

PLEASE GIVE US YOUR COMMENTS OVER THIS

A group of scientists did a competition to test the intelligence of Nigerian students in inventing things.

On the grand finalle, three students were called form the crowd to come and present what they invented.

The first student went there and said:- "I'm Adeseun Tope from Lagos, i invented a biro that can write what people are saying on a paper itself,he practicalised it and he was applauded"

The next student went there and said "i'm Ehirim Chinwe from Imo, i invented a chip that will tell the amount of money in the pocket of anyone standing close to it,he practicalised it and was applauded".

The third student went there and said "i'm Gambo Sani from Kano,i invented an explosive that could shatter the human body into a million pieces, penetrating the hardest of bones, can you allow me to sit down while i practicalise it?" The chief scientist stood up and said "don't bother to practicalise it,you are the winner of this competition"

Abeg people, who is the real winner of the competition?

THE GUY IS FUSTRATED

I went with a friend to visit a
very rich family. The maid
approached me and ... Question:
What would you like to have?
fruit juice, soda, tea, chocolate,

cappuccino, frapuccino or
coffee? Answer: Tea please.
Question : Ceylon tea, Indian tea,
herbal tea, bush tea,honey bush
tea, iced tea or green tea?
Answer: Ceylon tea please.
Question : How would you like it?
black or white? Answer: White.
Question : Milk or fresh cream?
Answer: With milk.
Question :Goat's milk or cow's
milk? Answer: With cow's milk
please. Question : Freezeland
cow or Afrikaner cow? Answer:
Umm, I think I'll just take the
freezeland cow. Question : Would
you like it with sweetener, sugar
or honey? Answer: With sugar.
Question : Bee sugar or cane
sugar? Answer: Cane sugar.
Question : White, brown or
yellow sugar? Answer: Oya,
forget about the tea. Just give me
a glass of water instead.
Question :Mineral water, tap
water or distilled water? Answer:
Mineral water. Question :
Flavored or non-flavored?
Answer: Abeg, i think i'll just
swallow my spit. Which kind
wahala b dis

POLICE INTEROGATION

Abu, a driver who survived in a
tragic
accident which rendered 49
people dead at
the spot was remanded in police

custody to
assist in police investigation...
Abu interrogated
Policeman: ...So Massa, how did
you end
up killing 49 people?
Abu: I was driving @80km/h
when I saw
two men crossing the road. On
the other side, a wedding was
taking place. I hit the
brakes but they failed, so I had to
make a choice; either hit the two
men or run into the
wedding party.
Policeman: Hit the two men of
course!
Abu: exactly, We think alike ooo!
but after hitting one, the other
man escaped into the
wedding party, so I went after
him.

niger delta

A man with an Ak47 rifle ran into a Church and pointed the gun at the congregation saying "who is a child of God here, let me send him to heaven"? The congregation kept silent he then fired a shot in the roof. The congregation shouted "its the pastor! He always says that he is a child of God". Pastor replied; What kind of conspiracy is this? Everyone here knows that I am the son of Chukwudi and the grandson of Okeke,so what is my business with God,'abeg if na play make una stop ham ooo!!!. Have a wondaful day.

pls urinate here

A guy was angry becos pple urinated in front of his store....so he put a public notice(i.e,dnt urinate here by other)but pple still urinated d more...he put another sign post n wrote dsame tin,bt dey still urinated there.....so he decided to make a new1 with inscription written:HUMAN URINE NEEDED HERE..........SIGNED=HERBALIST...from dat day no1 dared 2 urinate there

nigeria a cememtary

*When NIGERIANS steal money,dey
keep it in SWISS BANKS;wen dey're
sick-INDIA or GERMANY;
When Dey wat 2 invest..AMERICA ;
When Dey want 2 buy mansions-LONDON /CANADA.

Dey go 2 DUBAI 4 shopping,
PARIS 4 holidays.
When dey want to repent-ISREAL
OR SAUDI ARABIA. Wen dey talk,u hear i've movd around d whole world,do u knw whom u 're dealin wit?But wen dey DIE. Dey all wat 2 be BURIED in NIGERIA.
I beg, help me ask them: IS NIGERIA A CEMETERY